Could you kindly, in your “people you may know” section, stop suggesting that I add the following as friends:
a) That weird guy from Guardian Soulmates who I went on a terrible date with in 2012
b) That person from youth group I had nothing in common with when I was 14, and haven’t seen since I was 14
c) That ex-colleague that I hadn’t added as a friend already for a very good reason
d) That other weird guy from Guardian Soulmates who I went on a terrible date with in 2012
e) That nightmare ex that I haven’t spoken to in five years. Yes, that one.
f) Possibly an ex-parent from my daughter’s class? Don’t know
g) Person who will think I am a crazed stalker if I add them as a friend, as there is no reason to add them as a friend (e.g. my friend’s teenage daughter who I have never met)
h) That woman who lived in the downstairs flat in 1998 with the sodding fluffy dog that never stopped barking
i) Brother of person I have not spoken to since accepting friend request on Facebook. I have never met this brother.
j) I think that’s my osteopath but I’m not entirely sure what his actual surname is (he’s in my phone under Alex Osteopath)
k) A cat. An actual cat. In Fulham.
l) Builder who did some work for me in 2011.
m) A garage. An actual fucking garage. In Manchester.
n) Guy who bought my house in 2009.
o) “Captain Halitosis”
p) That awful friend-of-a-friend that said that awful thing that one time
q) That other other weird guy from Guardian Soulmates who was so weird I decided I didn’t even want to meet him for a first date
If you could sort this soon, that would be appreciated. Before the next time I accidentally click “Add Friend” instead of “Remove Suggestion”. Again.