THE WINNING LINES: Tales from my dating days #18

It was a wintery, blustery day. We’d been for a long walk through the country park. chatting happily. Rather a promising first date, I thought, topped off with a hot chocolate in the cafe.

He grabbed the bill as it arrived:

Him: “Do you want to see me again?”

Me: “Sure! I had a lovely time”.

Him: “Are you sure you want to see me again?”

Me: “Yes, I just said I did”.

Him: “I don’t want to put you on the spot here, but you’re definitely sure that you want to see me again?”

Me: (getting less sure by the second) “Errr, yeah”.

Him: “Well, in that case, I would be delighted to pay for your hot chocolate”.

Me: “What?”

Him: “Well, I wasn’t going to offer to pay for it if you’re not going to see me again.”

Me: “I’ll pay for my own hot chocolate, it’s fine.”

Him: “I’ll buy it for you if you’re going to see me again”.

Me: “I’d really rather just get it myself, thanks.”

Him: “No, no, no, I insist. My treat.”

Me: “No, really.”

In the end, I let him buy me the bloody hot chocolate. But he never called me again (and I was somewhat relived).

BLOODY PARENTING ANECDOTE #347: Fussy Eaters

Me: “So kids, you can choose three foods that no-one can ever make you eat again. What do you go for?”

Elder Daughter: “Mushrooms, courgettes, and the crunchy bits on macaroni cheese.”

Smallest Daughter: “Courgettes, mice and Wuffles the hamster”.

Me: “No-one is ever going to cook you mice or the hamster”.

SD: “Just in case, leave them on the list”.

He had a point

Long journey. Emergency stop at McDonald’s.

Me: “Hi, can I have a decaff coffee please?”

Guy behind counter: “Sorry, I don’t understand what you’re asking for.”

Me: “Decaffeinated coffee?”

GBC: “Never heard of it.” (to colleague) “Mate, do you know what coffee she’s asking for?”

Colleague: “what do you want?”

Me: “Decaffeinated coffee?”

Colleague: “No, we don’t have anything like that. Closest thing we’ve got to that is semi-skimmed milk.”