Don’t Look Back

Many years ago, I had a rather intense friendship with a male friend. There was never, ever anything sexual in it (he was gay, and I’m definitely not male) but it was such an intense friendship that it bordered on the weird.

One night, round at his, he asked me if I wanted to check out a chatroom (it was 1998, entertainment options were limited in Hartlepool).

I’ll try pretty much anything once*, so cheerfully agreed.

He created a new profile for me, said he’d found someone for me to chat to, and gave me the keyboard.

Turns out, it was a cybersex chatroom.

He sat behind me as I typed. At first, it was all giggly good fun, but then I started feeling rather guilty. The chap I was talking to was under the mistaken impression that he was talking to a horny bloke—thanks to the profile my friend had created for me—and it seemed quite unfair to keep leading the poor guy on. Plus, I felt rather awkward answering questions about my fictional penis. So I turned around to tell my mate I’d had enough…

…only to realise that he was happily… err… ahhh… how shall I put it?… entertaining himself.

Eeeeek.

He had his eyes closed in ecstasy, so I slipped out of the room as quietly as I could. Then I slipped out of the flat—and Hartlepool—as fast as I could.

Neither of us either mentioned it again.

 

*Having said that, I’ve never eaten KFC. Not for snob reasons, I’m just not that keen on chicken.