BLOODY PARENTING ANECDOTES #832: Thanks, sweetheart

My Middle Daughter came running up to me and gave me a massive hug.

MD: “I love you mummy.”

Me: “I love you too sweetheart.”

MD: “I’ll leave flowers on your grave every day when you die.”

Me: “……… thanks, sweetheart.”

This is far from the only time my children have said this sort of thing to me. Does anyone else’s kids do this, or are mine just unusually sinister?

THE WINNING LINES: tales from my dating days #5

Half an hour into our first date, he looked down at my feet and exclaimed:

“OOOOOOOH, you’ve got lovely big feet, haven’t you? I give a really good foot massage. Some women have got really small feet. I bet I could give yours a really good rub”.

He did not get his mits on my size 8s. Or anything else, for that matter.